Special Feature: Kissy Face

Man!  Do you know what I've learned from reading blogs the past few days?  There are some Valentine's Day HATERS out there!  But whether you like it or not, it's still going to be recognized because enough people are going to go out and buy cards and jewelry and other lovely things just for that day.  And remember, for some, maybe that is the only day their significant other makes an effort!  Maybe some thank their lucky stars for Hallmark reminding the man or woman in their lives to tell them that they are loved!

Or maybe it's all just a bunch of mushy gushy propaganda.  I don't know, I really just like saying propaganda.

And.  I love getting gifts.

But, in honor of this day of love, I thought I would post.  I mean, a lot of you aren't doing anything special anyway, so I thought I'd give you something to keep busy with, so I offer to you...

The Worst Movie Kiss

The Husband and I actually watched this movie on our second date.  We were at his parents' house, sitting on opposite ends of the couch.  I remember when I saw the kiss, I actually said, "Ouch!"  And then, "Awwww," because I felt bad for Sean Connery when he busted their cheating butts!  So, because it looks like the kiss actually hurt in two totally different ways, I hereby proclaim this kiss to be THE WORST MOVIE KISS.

The Best Movie Kiss

In a pre-marital counseling session, future brides and grooms should be made to watch this.  There is such a thing as church tongue, and it should be utilized.  I don't care if you are both pure as the driven snow and you're all excited about the upcoming honeymoon, you'll have the whole night together.  Tonsil hockey doesn't make people say, "Awwww" it makes them say, "Ewwww."  I always, always turn away when the couples kiss at weddings, because I fear seeing tongue.  So, THE BEST MOVIE KISS goes to Drew and Adam.

And, just because I'm so generous, I went back to the depths of my mind the archives of my blog on WordPress and found this excerpt, originally posted in October of 2008...

Do you remember your first kiss?

I do. I have to say, I don’t remember any details about any kisses between my first kiss ever and my first kiss with The Husband. (No offense to any guys I kissed, but c’mon. Nobody holds a candle to The Husband.) As for remembering my first kiss ever… Let’s just say if I did forget about it altogether, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

In 7th grade I started wearing contacts, which I thought would solve all of the problems in the world. Or at least in mine. I definitely thought losing the glasses would mean getting a boyfriend, and my misguided teenage mind thought that attention from any boy was acceptable. So I became the girlfriend of a young man we’ll call The Worst Kisser Ever. (That’s not his real name.)

One night on the phone, he asked me what I would do if he French kissed me. I told him I would probably run away. The next day, in the middle of the lunchroom, he tested me. People were getting up from tables ready to go to class, and all of a sudden there he was. It happened in slow motion. His eyes were closed, he was leaning closer and closer. This was it. My first kiss.

Ow.

Yeah, ow.

You see, The Worst Kisser Ever had not been introduced to orthodontia yet, and his eye teeth were quite vampire-like and dominated his mouth. So, ow.

True to my word, I bolted. Yet, that did not dissuade The Worst Kisser Ever from his very public displays of affection. I was awkward and naive, and I had no idea what to do. He kept on kissing me and being bad at it, and I kept on enduring it and being embarrassed because everyone could see.

There is only one word to describe that very brief courtship. Bleah.

So there ya go.  Happy Valentine's Day from me to you, even da haters!