Thanks to that little letter to the 1986 version of myself last week, I've had Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time" stuck in my head. As well as a mental image of her in the outfit she wore in the video. I hope you will now have those things burned in your brain as well, because I hate suffering alone.
But I've also been thinking a lot about a couple of things I've heard regarding that post... Mostly along the lines of, "but if you didn't go through
...Is that really a bad thing?
Don't get me wrong, I like me. Sometimes I even love me. And I know I learned a lot from my mistakes. But let's think about what I learned.
From Butthead #1, a.k.a. The Ex-Husband, I learned:
- That someone downing Nyquil every night does not indicate bad allergies.
- How terrifying it is to be riding with someone driving under the influence.
What an alcoholic looks like.
- How to convince AT&T to clear charges for calls to 900 numbers.
- That adult stores and websites aren't always obvious on a bank statement.
What an addiction to pornography looks like.
- That there was a reason I didn't like hearing about that girl at the office.
- How it feels to confront The Other Woman.
What an affair looks like.
And what lessons did the relationship with Butthead #2, The Ex-Boyfriend offer? With him I learned:
- How to take a punch.
- That Lifetime movies aren't as funny when you're living one.
- Mean boys don't wear signs, and they can be smart, educated, attractive and kind.
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that these are all things I didn't need to know. And why do I know these things? Because I made poor choices. If I had a nickel for every red flag that went up during the course of those relationships, or even for how many people warned me against getting into them in the first place, The Husband wouldn't have to work.
And how would I be different had I never been involved with them? Well, for starters I would have finished college. I wouldn't have hurt my family and friends. I wouldn't have had as much baggage to bring into the marriage I should have waited for.
So. To recap, I live my life with a few regrets. That which didn't kill me did make me stronger, but I don't think I needed to put myself through all those workouts. Especially since The Husband and I both think the chances of us meeting without those detours were still pretty darn good.
But don't cry for me, Argentina. I made my bed and I laid in it. Nobody's perfect, I'm forgiven, and thankfully God's mercies are new every morning. So that means even when I screw up now (yes! it does happen!) He still loves me and wants to get me on the right path, and He'll help me get there.
So yeah, I'd still go back and try to talk an earlier version of myself out of the mistakes. But since, you know, I CAN'T, I will be content with what I have and where I am and be thankful that I made it this far!
What about you? Would you try to talk a former version of yourself out of anything? Or do you think it all was for the greater good?
16 comments:
There are many things that I would tell my younger self to do and not to do.
Wait till I was older to marry
Do not - I repeat do NOT date guys named Ed, Jim, or Marty
I would love more.. forgive more. hold grudges less.
Do I believe the crap and abuse I went through was for the greater good? I don't know... I do know I have much better discernment - I have a BS meter that is pretty good at detecting.. and I also know that I can understand those who have made bad choices growing up.... and the suffering that comes much later...
I do believe that you have a compassion that many don't have. Your love for others shines through in your posts... So, who knows - if was for the greater good - but you, I and others have survived... and that my friend is good.
Love to you as always.
Kelly
I would talk myself out of having a joint credit card with my ex-fiance. I still would have ended it when I did and been able to meet hubs, but I would have come into that relationship without thousands of dollars of debt.
Thought-provoking post!
Thank you for sharing. There are a few things I would try to talk myself out of - because, much like you, I would still be me without those experiences. But I'll keep a lot of my mistakes, because they did help to make me who I am, and I am definitely smarter for them!
You are a brave lady! Good outlook on your situations. I'm not sure if what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but you seem to be on the right track. I think future me would tell younger me not to get a dog (not that big a deal, I know). Hey, you won my giveaway. You're about to have the prettiest, warmest feet in town.
After all the deep emails I have subjected you to I am just offering a fist pound and a "well said girl!"
I'm with you. I would love to talk myself out of some pretty big "living in sin" moments that I am still suffering consequences for. Those things can never be for our "good". God may use them but He never intended us to do them. Like, making bad choices with boys before I became a Christian and met my husband. Or choosing the wrong career and wasting a LOT of time and a LOT of money. Things are wonderful now, but that's only by the Grace of God, NOT because I made bad decisions in my past.
of course there are things I would like to have gone back in time to not do but in doing so I wouldn't have ma son. If I would have followed those red flags then he wouldn't be here and I don't regret him because its cuz of him (ma son) that helped change me and its because of him (ma sons father) that made me stronger.....to know that I can depend on me and get through the wayz of life....and there are alwz a few others but the paths I walked on led me to where I am at today and even tho ma life isn't perfect its getting better everyday because I had found ma way to GOD and just being on that path makes all the wrong turns to come out being the right turns because I am a better Christian for having to go through it! "Trials and tribulations is what makes us stronger but that love in ya heart is what keeps you driven".....Be Blessed. *smile*
Wow, I would use my flux capacitor to talk you out of some things for sure, shoot I might tie you up and keep you in a closet until such time as you could be trusted to make better decisions. I am so sorry you went through all that. Big hugs.
Steve and I lived to gether before we were married and that created mucho baggage. At least now, when my future kids reach that age, I can tell them what I learned from it. And also, why to NOT get a tattoo. Congrats on your slipper win!!!
i agree. there are definitely things that i could have done without and i might be a happier person today if i had missed out on them.
Some things I feel I went thru to make me stronger, better, more compassionate...
other things I did were just plain stupid and no good came out them whatsoever... those things, I would definitely take back if I could.
But at least I know God has forgiven me, so I don't have to dwell on those mistakes! =)
Lily
I tend to think that everything I've done-- mistakes and all-- have been for the greater good. I mean, my birth-- MY LIFE-- is actually someone's mistake. I was adopted, and I know from what the adoption agency told my parents that I was very nearly aborted. So if someone hadn't made the mistake of making ME, I wouldn't be here! I think everything is serendipitous.
~Elizabeth
Confessions From A Working Mom
Im sad that you had to learn those things. But Im glad you are stronger because of them
My birthday is tomorrow too!!!
There are so many things I should have talked myself out of...I like this post...and I like that it seems you have a sense of perspective. Well thought out, and reflected upon!
I would tell myself lots of things. Namely to stay away from boys till I was 25ish and to stop drinking tequila. My younger self wouldn't have listened though.
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