Every week I sit down and confess some things. Mostly this is just an excuse to write a list. Because I love me some lists. And cake. Just some random trivia for you. Anyways.
Keyboard Confessions: Guest Post Edition
1. My name is Kearsie. This is not a confession, per se. If my name was something uber cool like Kumquat, then THAT would be a confession. Also, I don't know how to spell Kumquat. But I took Phonics, so.
2. I've known Vanessa for some time now. We went to college when we were young and thin. Except, Vanessa is still thin, and looks really young. So. How about this: Vanessa knew me when I was young and thin.
3. But then, she did her thing and I did mine, and we didn't reconnect until one fated day on the Myspaces. And we started chatting. A lot. And became all super closey.
4. She's awesome. But you knew that, or else you wouldn't be here. Unless you're new. Hey, you new person, Vanessa's awesome.
5. Guess what? She's also really smart. In fact, she's the one who pointed out that I was spelling Febreze wrong. It's not Febreeze. I know, that durned Phonics again.
6. I was going to do this post talking about vaginal skin tags. I know, you're intrigued. This was payback because one time Vanessa guest posted for me and basically ratted out the fact I was going to be in a hotel room gettin bizzay.
7. But guess what? I'm a big chicken. *bagock* Also, I dunno how to type a chicken sound. Durned phonics.
8. I wonder if Vanessa gets pimples on her chin like I do? Alas.
9. Also, Vanessa is my perfecty match with celebrity crushes. Pirates of the Caribbean: I'm Team Will, she's Team Jack. LOST: I'm team Jack, she's Team Sawyer. Lord of the Rings: I'm team Legolas, she's Team...wait, I'm not sure if she's watched LOTR. What a travesty. I must find this information out henceforth immediately.
10. Vanessa worked at a legal officy place like me, so she gets words like henceforth immediately. She took Phonics too, I'll bet.
11. If I did have the guts to write about vaginal skin tags, I'd tell you that the last time I went to my GYN 1 1/2 years after a certain removal of certain something, the first thing the doctor asked was "so how's your bottom?"
12. Guess what? I'll bet I'm the only one to be asked that...ever. And I drew a blank how to answer her and just said, "It's A-Ok".
13. ....You're grossed out now, huh. I know. Me too. *washes eyeballs*
14. I wonder if Vanessa is facepalming right now.
15. If she is, indeed, sitting there with her face in her palm, she'd totally match my Hubs, who shares Vanessa's birthday. He facepalms a lot about me.
16. ...Guess what? There's just nothing to follow up VST talk. That's Vaginal Skin Tag, for the uninformed. Also, you're praying I quit talking about VSTs.
17. Feel free to pray for me.
18. Also, while you're praying for me, pray that I get world domination through writing and admiration and also to find a decent haircut. Ooh, and to lose 10 pounds.
19. I need some cake.
20. I'll have to settle for some Orbit gum.
Peace out, yo.
14 comments:
How cool! I didn't realize that you two knew each other in real life!
vaginal skin tags would have been awesome. i'm not even really sure what they are, but all i'm seeing are vaginas on a shelf with price tags on them. i'm guessing that's wrong...
I have an armpit skin tag. I'm pretty sure this makes us long lost sisters. Also, after this, I'm sure Vanessa will never post about hotel "stuff" again....
This is the best guest post I've ever read in my life. Vanessa, you are lucky to have a friend like Kearsie. I'm not sure any other friend would have posted about Vaginal Skin Tags publicly on your personal writing space. Or maybe someone would have. IDK.
Yep, this just confirms it even more. Kearsie is my girl crush. Shhh. In a non lesbian way. So shut it.
Except the VST thing...that's sorta weird.
Hey, the dr. asked me how my bottom was once...wonder why?
LOL
Lol, awesome guest post! I don't see a link to her blog anywhere though!
That was a masterpiece.
Kearsie cracks me up! So funny. :)
Hilarious!
I get pimples on my chin sometimes....I bet Vanessa doesn't!
Hehehe - Vanessa should have known better than to trust you with her blog.
Did I ever tell you the story about the time I had my awful car accident and the full-body check I received in the Emergency Room? The doctor stuck his thumb in a place I would rather him not stick his thumb and then had the audacity to ask "Does that hurt?" I jerked my head around my shoulder as best as I could with one of those neck casty things and glared and said something to the effect of "Of course it does you stupid moron. Your thumb is in my A$$!"
And the curtain wasn't even pulled. Looks like you and I both have "bottom stories."
Won't Vanessa be so glad I posted this? She may never let you guest again.
I can feel her facepalming right now.
All that VGT talk reminded me that it's about time for my annual. Thanks!
I really wanna hear more about vag skin tags. does this make me strange?!
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