Men: Solving the Mystery. Sort of.

So back here, I told you that an esteemed colleague would be answering your questions about men.  A very special thanks to Ian from The Daily Dose of Reality for tackling these for us!  He is a brave, brave man!  And now, your questions answered:

Why do men insist on making bodily noises so frequently?
Because we can, it's that simple.

My question is this.... why, oh why, do they leave dirty clothes laying around WHEREVER they decide to undress? And the laundry basket could be a foot away, and they STILL don't put them in. I am BEGGING for someone to answer this!!
See above answer.

I don't even need an answer for the question about sex. The answer is unequivocably yes. My husband calls daily to let me know that the horn dog express is on it's way home. My question for the man willing to take these on is this, Do men think comments like this is actually a turn on?
Probably not. But then again, that's not my style. I can't speak for your man nor would I want to. Sexting is probably a lot better in this case. Or a dirty chat over email. Dirty talk on the way home? I'm with you. No thanks.

Oh goody! Haha!!
1) Why does my husband get annoyed if I leave my shoes out, but if he does it's okay??
Cause men like to be in control or at least feel as though we are.
2) Why do grown men love video games so dang much? Seriously, I. don't. get it.
Because video games are fun and men like playing with joySTICKs.
3) Why do men think that if a Mom goes to the grocery store by herself that it's a "special treat" to get away? Lol!
Not me, can't answer that one.
4) What's so great about boobs??
Um, what isn't?

Why do you say you hate nagging, yet you FORCE us to nag you?
You kidding me? I nag like it's an olympic sport!
Your eyes can see just as well as mine when the lawn needs mowing or the trash needs to be taken out, yet neither will be touched until I give the Royal Command. Then you can mutter all the way out about me and my nagging ways....
Again here we go with guys getting a bad rap. This doesn't happen in my house. Just sayin.

why is it that men only hear the first 6 words of any sentence? Hmm, answer me that!
I thought it was the first three?

Why can't men put the toilet seat down as a courtesy? It's not that hard.
Because we are like fish, we can only remember what we did two seconds prior.

I'm trying to think of a question that I have that Ian wouldn't just give a smart *ss answer to.
You just did ;)

Why are men so literal?
Because women aren't.
Why can't they get what women mean? No mind reading inferred.
Because you need to spell it out. And you just are now realizing this?
What's a woman gotta do to get a man motivated?
I can't answer that on this blog for fear of Vanessa never talking to me again.

(Hahahahah!  It's okay, Ian.  I already know the answer to that question!)

How come when you say "I'm crabby" they proceed to pester you incessantly. And then when you finally snap at them, they say "Gee, you're crabby"
Um...cliffs notes for this one please?

I'm trying to think of a good question for him that he'll answer for reals...
Okay, so seriously, my hubs told me once that he is so invested emotionally into the Portland Trailblazers that when he watches them and they lose? The next morning when he wakes up he is depressed. And it lasts until they win again.
Is this a question? First off the NBA sucks plain and simple. Tell the man to watch a real sport like NFL.

Why do men like to read on the toilet (and be so noisy about it)?
BECAUSE WE CAN. Shut the door.

Why do men get all self conscious about losing their hair but they don't care if they have a beer belly?
Maybe that's your man, but I gots both. Actually I got the trifecta. I fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Why don't men ever wax their nether regions?
WHY THE HECK SHOULD WE? Razors are good enough.

Do men REALLY think they're being helpful when the say things like, "Get it done" or "Better find it" or or "It's somewhere around here" or "Just do it"? Do they REALLY think we don't know they're actually just saying "Shut up, woman! Can't you see I'm watching the game?"
Um, I never talk to the wife like that. That's just disrespectful.

Okay I thought of one, but I'll probably be back for more.
Supposedly studies have been done that prove men can actually gaze off and think of nothing. Like nothing. At all. The study proved women are always thinking something. That part's true. So my question... Is it really possible to think of nothing? If so, how often do you think of nothing?
Sure it is. Like this question makes me think of absolutely nothing.

I am way interested in the Men and the 3 Stooges question...that and the Godfather!
What about the Stooges? Timeless entertainment. They flat out rule.
Godfather is overrated. GoodFellas is better. All men want to be in that role or be a part of something like that. It's cool.

Here is my question: Why is it so hard to simply shut the drawers and cabinets after you get something out? I always have to go behind my husband shutting all of his dresser drawers and all of the cabinets in the kitchen. Pull out some socks??? Why not close the drawer? I don't get it....
I don't know, I do it and so does my wife. Want to ask her as well?
 

So there you have it, ladies!  Either this gave you some insight into the minds of men, or it confused you even further.  But even if you're not any wiser than you were before you started reading, you probably still know more about them than they know about us!

 

Thanks again, Ian!