Monday, July 12, 2010

Behind the Bunnies: Max & Ruby's Parents

Everyone knows Max and Ruby, but not everyone knows Max and Ruby's parents. 

Until now, they have silently endured the constant barrage of questions about their parenting skills.  Until now, they have left "WHERE THE &%@! ARE MAX AND RUBY'S PARENTS?!" alone.

Mom's whiskers tremble as she sniffs, "I've been called neglectful.  Neglectful!  I do not neglect my children!"

"We're bunnies," Dad interjects.  "What do people think we're doing off-camera?  But it's children's programming, for Peter Rabbit's sake!  They can't show that!"

Mom places her paw over Dad's to calm him. 

"It's just difficult, you know?" Mom says softly.  "I mean, we are rabbits, and we only have two children.  All of our friends and family have 4 to 12 little bunnies at a time, and we have just our little ones."

"And that's not to say that we don't love them!" Dad adds.

"Of course!  We adore Max and Ruby... Ruby and Max.  You just... You have no idea what it's like to be the only members of the Leporidae family that can't reproduce like everyone else..."

Dad shakes his head and puts his arm around his wife.  "We're not the only ones," he says.

"No," Mom shrugs, "but ours is the only family with it made obvious for the whole world to see day after day after day on television."

Which begs the question: Why?  Why allow Max and Ruby to be showcased on their own television show if it would bring such scrutiny on their family?

"It's simple, really," Dad states. "Grandma can only watch the kids so often.  The Huffingtons are busy with their own brood.  I mean, you only see Baby Huffington on the show, but they've got a whole litter in there.  Anyway, we just don't want to give up, and having the kids on the show means constant supervision.  Which gives us more time to..."

"The cameras are on them all the time," Mom smiles as she interrupts.  "We never miss a moment, really.  And Ruby's so great with Max."

When asked about the suggestion that Ruby is actually a little bossy with Max, Mom's fur bristles.

"She's had a lot of responsibility put on her at an early age, and we realize that.  I wouldn't call her bossy, though.  She's a natural leader."

When the subject of Max's penchant for making mischief comes up, it's Dad who speaks up, his tail twitching roughly.

"These kids don't have it easy, you know," he says, pointing his paw.  "Their family isn't like the other bunnies', and they get teased.  Sure, they have their friends, but the Bunny Scouts aren't the only ones at school.  Not every family is as non-judgmental as Valerie's or Louise's."

"Even Mr. Piazza wants Roger to keep his distance from Ruby!" Mom exclaims before dissolving into tears.  Through her sobs, she explains, "He's afraid if they wound up together, Ruby wouldn't be able to procreate like the other does!"

Dad comforts Mom and waves off an offer of carrot juice.

"No, thank you," he says.  "I think we just need to go."

And with that, Max and Ruby's parents hop along, hoping that their side of the story will be heard and understood.



28 comments:

MiMi said...

Girl!!! You have NO idea how long I have pondered just where Max and Ruby, Ruby and Max's parents are!!
You need to tell them the next time you talk to em, when they're not..ahem...well, tell them that Ruby is a tad bossy (i think she's trying to take the mothering role) and Max is a little naughty.
'Kay? : )
Best. Post. Evah.

shortmama said...

Om my gosh this had me giggling the whole way through! Loved it!!

MiMi said...

Crap. I read this whole thing and after you said you mentioned it I had to come back. What the what? I read it. I did! Yet, somehow I missed that? Oy. I need a nap.

purseblogger said...

Oh my gosh girl! How freakin' cute is this? You know I love your writing! This is the best! :)

From Tracie said...

I absolutely lost it reading this.

Max and Ruby's parents...I'm glad they finally got to tell their side of the story.

They just didn't explain the lack of speech therapy for Max. The bunny-kid only says one word a day...over and over and over again!


I think I'm still going to have to call CPS. Sorry Bunnies!

Powdered Toast Man said...

have they gone to the doctor to see why they can't have any more kids?

Maybe he has lazy swimmers.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

That was fantastic!!!!! We were at a kiddie parade this weekend and there was a Max and Ruby with their parents and I hollered, "hey look they do have parents!!!". People laughed.

And I wrote about you today :-). Making up for my absence.

Mandi Miller said...

Oh my gosh!!! This is hilarious!!!!

Mindy said...

Love it! I just saw a friend on fb question if Max was Ruby's illegitimate son the other day. I mean, mom and dad can't even make it to Ruby's birthday party! Maybe their secret spies?

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

This is a GREAT post!!! I don't let G watch this show because of the "missing parents" issue... you cracked me up!

~Elizabeth

ElegantSnobbery said...

LOL, Fantastic!!

Sara said...

I don't know anything about this show, but this still had me laughing.... you're too much!!

Mae Rae said...

i absolutely loved this post. I am not a big fan of Max and Ruby. I always want Max to secretly super glue Ruby to something and run away, but now i see that cannot happen because the camera crew is always watching.

Messy Mommy said...

You are so darn clever.

Joedian said...

I think that question is on everybody's mind..especially mine. I have begun to prevent my son from watching it because I suspect he may soon be asking about max and ruby's Parents..lol

Erin said...

You are a frickin' genius, Vanessa! Brilliant! Love it and have always wondered about Max and Ruby's parents myself. Perfect explanation. lol!

melnewby said...

That was funny right there!

blueviolet said...

You have helped SO many people who have been wondering and wondering!

leigh said...

All of my Max and Ruby questions were answered within this post. Thank you for posting this...the world needed to know!

Honey B. said...

You crack me up! I LOVED the Max and Ruby stories, how good to hear from the parents...lol

ModernMom said...

LOL Girl do you know how LONG I have worried about those two bunnies raising themselves! Thanks for clearing it up:)

Chelle said...

I'm pretty sure I joined that FB group...ha!

Super cute post--LOVED it!

kel said...

Ok, this is officially awesome! I looooove this!

A Lil Story said...

dude seriously... thanks for answering this, I was really wondering...

next I would like to know what happened to Andy's dad in Toy Story. Birthdays, Christmas, Graduation... he isn't there. I need the back story =) (I have watched all 3 movies in the past couple weeks, thanks to my boys new obsession!)

Shell said...

OMG, this is hilarious!!!

Kearsie said...

You totally win. Seriously. You totally win. Hilarious.

Angelia Sims said...

Hilarious!!

SurferWife said...

This was the best thing I have ever seen.

And of course Haley spots Max and Ruby and asks what I am reading about them. I say her parents. She says, oh, what are they saying?

blink, blink. Silence. Nothing honey. Nothing.