Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Pouring My Heart Out: Catfight!

Originally posted October 5, 2009.  Still applicable today.


I feel like there’s a constant battle going on within me. For simplicity’s sake, let’s say there’s Good Vanessa and Bad Vanessa. I can even picture them, Good Vanessa with her wings and halo, not to mention her apron, and she’s carrying a load of laundry. Then there’s Bad Vanessa. Oh, Bad Vanessa. Yep, she’s wearing a little headband with horns poking up out of it, she’s got a tail coming out of her little miniskirt… What’s that she’s holding? Oh, she’s grasping a mirror tightly as she slinks around.

(And I know that really this could be a battle between the Holy Spirit and Satan, but it’s a lot less scary to me if I explain it as versions of me running around. Plus, that allowed me to use the title Catfight!)

Good Vanessa is obviously the ultimate housewife extraordinaire. She doesn’t get completely freaked out at the thought of doing the grocery shopping with a child or two in tow. She doesn’t buzz around the kitchen frantically when it’s time to cook dinner. Oh no, she does it all with grace and poise, excited to be doing this — because she knows it’s really what she always wanted to do. Raise a family, love on them, serve them.

Good Vanessa also wants to be healthy. She’s eating better for the sake of The Husband and her girls. She wants to live well and live long for them.

Bad Vanessa… Well, she understands that the laundry needs to be done, but she constantly wonders if The Husband notices how much she’s doing. That he’s no longer having to help as much. She takes notice when Big Sister comments on how the floor was vacuumed, but The Husband doesn’t. Bad Vanessa wonders why she bothers preparing meals when half of it doesn’t get eaten because maybe The Husband had a big lunch or the girls are as picky as she was when she was their age.

Bad Vanessa also likes eating better, but not for her health. Nope. It’s because the number on the scale dropped significantly, and she likes that. She wants to keep it that way.

Good Vanessa knows that she is supposed to be living under the approval of God and God alone, according to His Word. Bad Vanessa craves attention from The Husband, and approval from those around her. It’s like Bad Vanessa never got past junior high and high school.

Good Vanessa knows that her ultimate satisfaction in all things CAN come from Christ alone.

Bad Vanessa thinks she’ll be content when. When The Husband comes home with a banner that says GREAT JOB, WIFE! When she’s at a certain weight. When she’s volunteered for the right people at the right time. When everyone likes her.

Good Vanessa kind of feels sorry for Bad Vanessa. She’s kind of pathetic. It’s a bit surprising she wins these battles as often as she does, actually.

But the battles do rage on…

“Why do you rush to do that laundry?” Bad Vanessa asks Good. “He gets the clothes dirty, too. He can help. Just like the dishes. He doesn’t eat off the same ones? And doesn’t it bother you that he never rinses off his plates??”

Good shrugs. “He puts in plenty of hours each week to make the money to buy the food that we eat and the clothes that we wear. How would you like to work as much as he does?” she asks. “How would you like to have that on your shoulders? It’s all up to him to provide for the entire family. And at his age and stage in the game, he’s got to work harder to keep his job and hopefully move up someday. Gee, no pressure.”

“Did you learn that sarcasm from him?” Bad smirks. “I know how much you love his never ending teasing and picking at you.”

Good sighs. “Maybe you forgot that that was something you liked about him. He challenges you. He makes you laugh, even when you don’t want to. It’s all in fun, and he isn’t like that all the time and you know it. You’re just choosing to look for the negative.”

Bad pouts. “He hasn’t said anything about your weight loss, except to complain about your having to buy more clothes.”

“He also didn’t say anything when you ballooned up to 200 pounds with each pregnancy. Not every woman gets to feel like a goddess when she looks like the Michelin Man,” Good retorts. “Now leave me alone, I have work to do.”

Bad’s smirk reappears as she laughs. “Oh yeah, ‘work.’ Your ‘work‘ is oh, so valuable. The world may just stop turning if you aren’t here to cart kids around, do laundry, and make another boring meal.”

Good turns to look Bad square in the eyes. “It may not be rocket science, but it is what I am called to do right now, for such a time as this. And I am going to do it to the best of my ability because I am going to do it for God. If it makes The Husband happy and if it makes me feel better, that’s just a wonderful by-product. So I suggest you back your selfish, glass-half-empty, attention-seeking self up. Got it?”

Bad turns on her heel and stalks off.

And Good wins. This time.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Happiness Project: Being Thankful for What We Have

Beach Day.
Photo from May 2009

This weekend our family went with several others
from our Sundays chool class
for a day at the beach.
It was another incredibly fun day with our family and our friends.
I have lived about 10 minutes (less depending on the traffic)
from the beach my entire life,
and this was the 2nd time in 2 years that I've gone.
And before that, I probably went years between visits.
I think that because I've just know it's always there,
I've probably taken it for granted.

I don't want to take it for granted anymore.

See what makes other people happy here:
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Monday, June 28, 2010

What I like about me (I don't really know how to dance)


Did you watch it?
Come on, watch it.
Pretty please?
It's only 49 seconds.
And if you don't watch it,
what I write won't make quite as much sense.

So I think this little girl is a little genius.
(For the record, she's 12 now. And she has a great attitude about this!)
I think I need to do this every single morning.  I can spend a ton of time concentrating on what I think is wrong with myself -- my appearance, my parenting, my personality, etc., etc., etc., aaaaand etc.

How about I just cut that out?

Because really, I'm not all that bad.

  • No, I'm not Mrs. America, but as it turns out, apparently my legs are pretty hot. (Reason #374 that the Mom Sexy Prom was awesome.)

  • No, I'm not going to win Wife Of The Year or anything, but ohmygosh I LOVE The Husband and I am so thankful for him. 

  • No, I'm not going to win Mom Of The Year or anything, but ohmygosh there are days when I just have so much fun dancing with my girls (with the blinds open even!) to The Backyardigans or, prepare yourself, The Fresh Beat Band. 

  • No, I'm not Miss Congeniality, but I have wonderful friends that make me feel loved.  Friends I trust, friends that make me want to be a better me.
SO.  I'm thinking that this could be a good thing for me to do on a regular basis.  Focus more often on what I like.  What I like about me.  What I like about The Husband.  Because those are pretty much the two things that I'm most critical of. 

Everyone has their own things, I'm sure.

This is my proposal... I'm thinking that we all need to think more about what we like.  Do a little dance in front of our mirrors declaring what we like about ourselves, about the people in our lives, about our lives in general.

So I want to hear what you like.  And if I get 50 comments (I'm only counting 1 per person!) with genuine, heartfelt likes -- about your appearance, about your personality, about your spouse, about your parenting -- by Friday, July 2nd, I will do a vlog.  And not just any vlog.  Did you watch the little girl

I will get in front of a mirror,
in my pj's,
and do my own little dance
declaring what I like.

Interested?
Then start liking!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Note to Self: I Want A Cat Edition.

  • You want a cat.
  • The Husband is decidedly NOT a cat person.
  • The fault lies with a cat his aunt had.
  • That cat decided that The Husband's chest (read: nipple) was a great place to hang out.
  • So you don't have a cat.
  • You've had nine cats in your lifetime.
  • Nine.
  • The tenth cat's a charm, right?
  • You told The Husband you'd wait until you were 40 to get a cat.
  • Only 2,063 days.
  • Why did you say 40?
  • Oh yeah.
  • To give him time to get used to the idea.
  • Also, the girls would be older and able to help with the litter box.
  • There was a method to your madness.
  • But...
  • Some of your friends have baby fever.
  • You have kitten fever.
  • Not to be confused with cat scratch fever -- neither the actual disease, nor the song.
  • Also not to be confused with a fever where only prescription is more cowbell.
  • You know where you can probably play a lot of cowbell?
  • In a van, down by the river.
  • That has nothing to do with cats.
  • That's okay, though.
  • Because you're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like you.
Have a good weekend!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Even haikus are a stretch for me.

Sometimes I eat cake,
And cookies, and other stuff.
Believe me. I eat.


Edward stole my friends.
Jacob and Bella also.
Here's to you, Twilight.

This post was brought to you by a case of writer's block,
a desire to vent some frustrations but not being able to (again),
followed by a visit to Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.
I chose Prompt #2: Write a poem about a picture.

And I can't get the button to show up.  Wondermous.

Wait, here it is!  Thanks, W!

Happy Thursday!

ACK!
I realized why I had writer's block!
My writing is over at The Purse Blogger today!!!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Happiness Project: He's My Lobster

Me and The Husband, before he was The Husband, in 2002.
Thankfully, the girls have my nose.

It was 8 years ago today that I met The Husband.

He makes me happy.

And I love that man.


See more happy here:
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Monday, June 21, 2010

The Mom Sexy Prom 2010

IT'S PROM NIGHT DAY!


Right about the same time I read about this little par-tay via The Mother Load, my mom told me that my dad had brought over some formal dresses that had been at the house, including a couple that my sister must've worn to homecoming or prom when she was just a wee little thing in high school. 

I dared to try one on.

And since Ian's Law states, "Pictures or it didn't happen"...

I cannot believe I fit into that dress.

But here's what The Mommyologist had in mind:
... I started thinking about how all of us have these awesome dresses that sit in our closets and maybe come out once a year if we are lucky. And I really think that it is a total tragedy, that as sexy mamas, we don’t get to show them off a little more often. So I want to give all of us an occasion to get all gussied up and strut our stuff a bit.
Thank you, Mommyologist, for giving me a reason to strut my stuff:


For this occasion, I got myself a date, we got gussied up, and we took our hot selves out! 


And we really treated ourselves too -- we went to the theatre.

Hey, don't knock itThere was even a doorman!

We had such a great time looking hot and having a blast that we thought we might continue this trend!  Letting those hot little numbers sit in the closet waiting for a special occasion is kind of like not ever putting out your fine china!  So we're going to try to have our own Mom Sexy Prom with our sexy mom friends -- we'll set a date to get all dolled up and go out, and it won't matter where!  We'll be looking good and having fun!

We're just hoping to do our part to keep bringing Mom Sexy back!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Note to Self: Yo Mama Edition

  • Yo mama is now way cooler than you.
  • Yo mama got herself an iPhone.
  • You are a little teeny tiny bit jealous.
  • She didn't even text before.
  • Now she's going to be telling you all about the latest apps.
  • This is kind of like when your Granny got a laptop before you did.
  • That was kind of awesome, actually.
  • So is this.
  • It'll be good to have her texting.
  • Now you can talk about your husbands to each other without having to whisper.
  • You should probably still think of some code names for them, just to be safe.
  • You want an iPhone one day.
  • An iPhone and a minivan, and your life would be complete.
  • Wait.
  • An iPhone, a minivan and a kitten.
  • There.
  • Or.
  • You could have an amazing husband and two beautiful girls.
  • A loving family.
  • And good wonderful incredibly awesome friends.
  • That works, too, doesn't it?

Happy Friday!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I'm a mom. I'm sexy. And I'm going to the prom.

You read that right.

You'll see it here (and on a bunch of other blogs probably) on Monday.

The Mommyologist is on a mission to bring Mom Sexy back, and she's hosting a Mom Sexy Prom on June 21st.

I'll be there.
Well, I'll be here, but I'll link there.

And, my dear friends, I will be fierce.

I may even have a date. 

It's strictly platonic.
But we may have corsages.

Do you want to go?  All the details are here!

You know you want to.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

If I only had a brain.

*sigh*


Kudos to those of you who were smart enough to keep your blogs anonymous.

Because when I feel like this:


I don't necessarily feel like I can get it out of my system here.

*facepalm*

It's okay.

It keeps me in check.

But right now... I just have some stuff I just want to get out of my system...
And blogging is way cheaper than therapy.

So...

SometimesIlikeitwhenTheHusbandisoutoftownbecauseitmeansIcanwatchTheBachelorette
withouthimmakinganysnidecommentsaboutit.
SometimesIhateESPN.
SometimesIreallywishImademyownmoneysoIcouldgooutwithmydaughterswheneverIfeltlikeit.
SometimesthethingspeoplesayonFacebookirritatetheeverlovingcrapoutofme.
SometimesIirritatetheeverlovingcrapoutofmyself.
IwanttowriteabookbutIdon'tlikeadmittingit.
IbetifI'dhadsexwithTheHusbandIwouldn'tbefeelingthisfrustratedrightnow.
IwonderifanyoneisreallyreadingthisbecauseIthinkthey'regoingtogetaheadacheiftheyare.
TheycouldalsobeembarrassedbecauseImentionedhavingsexwithTheHusband.
IfId'hadthesensetokeepmybloganonymous,Iwouldn'thavetoworryaboutthosethings.

Okay.  I feel better now.

Sort of.

*sigh*

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Happiness Project: Important Firsts

Baby's First Roller Coaster.
(At Busch Gardens' Sesame Street Safari of Fun.)

Okay, so at 3-years-old she isn't really a baby anymore,
but this was her first ride on a roller coaster. 
We linked arms as we rode and when I asked her if she liked it, she told me,
"No."

Then she rode a second time with her daddy.

Got some happy?

Link up at Leigh vs. Laundry!

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BTW, Busch Gardens' Safari of Fun area is awesome for kids, AWESOME!  I love how many rides they have that the kids can go on all on their own!  And now, you can even get pictures with Big Bird and Elmo!  Unfortunately, you cannot take your own pics in their rooms -- in order to have photographic evidence of your child hugging and mugging with the two famous residents of The Street, you have to purchase a picture. 

Busch Gardens, I love you, but even Disney World lets you take your own pics of Mickey, Minnie, the princesses, the fairies, and whatever character you may bump into.  Come on, now.

Monday, June 14, 2010

It's me! It's me! I survived!

I'm back!  I can see that my blog was well taken care of with the incredible guest posts, even though Kearsie wondered if I ever got blemishes on my chin and that very night, I did!!  (So Kearsie, could you please wonder if I'm going to get a minivan?  Thanks!) 

As I mentioned, last week was Vacation Bible School at my church.  What I did not mention was that The Husband was going to be out of town for the entire week as well.  On the one hand, at least I was busy every night while he was gone, preparing the Bible story for the 1st through 6th graders.  (Our VBS does a rotation, so each class goes on their own schedule through music, missions, Bible story, crafts, recreation/snack.)  On the other hand, I had very little adult time!  Very. little.

Thankfully, my wonderful mother-in-law was sweet enough to watch my girls one night so I could take in a movie with my mom and BFF.  Soooooo...
 
Movie Monday @ Messy Mommy
I get to link up with Messy Mommy for her Movie Monday!

What did we see?

Sex And The City 2.  (Warning: spoilers ahead!)

Don't judge me.

Well, you can if you want, I won't judge you for judging me.

I actually won tickets to see the first one, and I closed my eyes during the dirty stuff.  I did the same during this one.  It's not like there was a ton, but it just grosses me out.

For me, they could have taken the entire Samantha portion of the movie out, and I would've been fine.  Of course, if they took the Samantha portion out entirely, there would have been no reason for the girls to go globe-trotting, and no real plot.  So I guess that wouldn't have worked.

I understand that it's Sex And The City, and I understand that what made it such a big deal initially was how open it was about sex -- but aren't we beyond that?  I mean, the movie seemed to be more about marriage and mommyhood, do we really need to see Speedos and erections and sex?

My answer: HECK NO

Anyway.

Other than the parts where Samantha behaved and talked like an immature teenage boy, I enjoyed the movie a lot.  I thought it was fun and real and I especially liked the part when Miranda got Charlotte to admit that BEING A MOMMY IS HARD!  And they acknowledged that they had it hard WITH husbands and WITH HELP (hello! Charlotte has a full-time nanny, and Miranda has Magda!), and they toasted the moms who do it on their own.

Miranda said, "To them!" and I shouted, "TO US!"

And the other 6 women in the theater clapped.

And, as usual, I wanted to just sit there and shake Carrie.  YOU ARE MARRIED, YOU DO NOT GO OUT TO DINNER WITH YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY,  ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE IN A FUNK WITH YOUR HUSBAND!

*shake* *shake* *shake*

No, really, I did like the movie! 

I wouldn't say it's one that MUST be seen in the theater, you can definitely wait to watch it at home.  Or, for someone like me, wait until they show it on cable so you won't have to cover your eyes for parts of it...

Don't cover your eyes for the part with Liza Minelli though.  That was pretty impressive!

Did you see the movie?  Did you like it?  Are you like me and started watching it on TBS so you feel pretty sheltered? 

Friday, June 11, 2010

Note to Nessa: Chicken Edition


I am wondering if you cooked this week, seeing as you were too busy to post...

VBS will do that to you sometimes. And I know it's not your favorite thing to do, cooking that is, especially when it involves chicken. It's OK.

Remember when you told me how you hated cooking chicken because it was slimy and gross and smelly? And I told you to use frozen chicken? That was a hallmark day. Not as in get you a deep and meaningful card for $4.99, but, just a day to remember. It should be marked somewhere in your hall though, like a Hall of Fame, for me...what were were talking about? Oh, frozen chicken.

You couldn't believe it didn't need to be thawed first!

Now, you believe.

(Yes, you too, readers, believe.)

Sometimes, when I can't sleep, I list all the frozen chicken recipes I know and make.

You're jealous impressed. And that is sad flattering.

Just remember, you can't go wrong with olive oil, paprika, season salt and garlic powder.

Maybe some pepper.

Well, maybe you CAN, if you like, dump all the garlic powder in the dish, or use cinnamon instead of paprika (do you even own any paprika yet?)

Don't forget to tent your chicken.

That doesn't mean take it camping.

Well, you could, but...

Just cover it with foil, mmmkay?

Internal temperature must reach 170. Thickest part of the chicken. It doesn't hurt the chicken when you stab it. You must know the temperature. Otherwise you could be hurt.

Don't play with salmonella. Don't.Play.

It's just as easy to submerge the chicken in Purel and light it on fire.

It's kinda dry that way though.

I'll know if you tried to put this note in bullet list form. Don't do it. Don't.

For the record, 35 recipes. I would list them, but, I don't want to freak anyone out with my extreme awesomeness.

And because I can't think of anything else, except to maybe plug my blog a teensy bit, here is something to get your weekend off to a great start...





Heh heh...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Why Mama Would Rather Stir Fry At Home

Stir Fry Awesomeness

On Saturday Hubs and I went out for dinner to celebrate his birthday.

I’m a little bit crazy OCD particular in regards to my house.  Specifically how my house looks when someone is visiting.  I do not make exceptions for babysitters.

Other babysitter preparations include ensuring that the children are bathed and fed prior to her arrival. (Sometimes it is just easier to stay home and sneak the kids some Benadryl relax with the family than to go through all this hassle.)

Just kidding about the Benadryl. It doesn't work on my boys.

Hubs happened to be off from work this weekend. Foolishly, I assumed that he would assist with Operation Date Night Readiness. Unfortunately, his idea of assisting is to sleep-watch football while the boys fashion shanks MacGyver-style from the contents of the recycling bin.

I spent the better half of the afternoon Googling ex-boyfriends reading blogs cleaning and doing laundry. Hubs was enlisted to help feed the fun-lovin' criminals while I spackled my face made myself beautiful.

Me: Could you help me out with the boys’ dinner while I get spruced up?

Hubs: Uh, I guess so. What do we have to feed them?

(This is where you, the reader, shall be amazed by my culinary talents and child rearing expertise.)

Me: Z wants soup and J wants chicken nuggets.

Hubs: How do I do that?

Me: The oven is pre-heated. Put the chicken nuggets in the oven. Then nuke the soup.

Hubs: Uh, the oven says 350 degrees. What do I put them on? How does the microwave work? What plates do they like? What do they want to drink? Where is the soup? How long does the soup take? How do I heat it? Where do they sit? Who are these children? Where is my ass?

Me: (flat-ironing my hair, jumping up and down to get my Spanx on) BEEEEEP (Extend this for approximately 2 minutes.)

(That dialogue was censored to protect the innocence of my sheltered readers. Use your imagination and your own marriages to re-create my response.)

I got him all straightened out and wiped the sweat off my brow. (Seriously, getting into Spanx is a workout!) A few minutes later, I smelled something burning.

I will spare you the details of what ensued. Suffice it to say that Hubs was “just getting ready to check” the nuggets and had no idea:

1. How long they had been in the oven.
2. How long they should have been in the oven.
3. That the oven has a timer for these purposes.

Now you know why I drank a bottle of Pinot Grigio at dinner. And why I don’t go out more often.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Men: Solving the Mystery. Sort of.

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So back here, I told you that an esteemed colleague would be answering your questions about men.  A very special thanks to Ian from The Daily Dose of Reality for tackling these for us!  He is a brave, brave man!  And now, your questions answered:

Why do men insist on making bodily noises so frequently?
Because we can, it's that simple.

My question is this.... why, oh why, do they leave dirty clothes laying around WHEREVER they decide to undress? And the laundry basket could be a foot away, and they STILL don't put them in. I am BEGGING for someone to answer this!!
See above answer.

I don't even need an answer for the question about sex. The answer is unequivocably yes. My husband calls daily to let me know that the horn dog express is on it's way home. My question for the man willing to take these on is this, Do men think comments like this is actually a turn on?
Probably not. But then again, that's not my style. I can't speak for your man nor would I want to. Sexting is probably a lot better in this case. Or a dirty chat over email. Dirty talk on the way home? I'm with you. No thanks.

Oh goody! Haha!!
1) Why does my husband get annoyed if I leave my shoes out, but if he does it's okay??
Cause men like to be in control or at least feel as though we are.
2) Why do grown men love video games so dang much? Seriously, I. don't. get it.
Because video games are fun and men like playing with joySTICKs.
3) Why do men think that if a Mom goes to the grocery store by herself that it's a "special treat" to get away? Lol!
Not me, can't answer that one.
4) What's so great about boobs??
Um, what isn't?

Why do you say you hate nagging, yet you FORCE us to nag you?
You kidding me? I nag like it's an olympic sport!
Your eyes can see just as well as mine when the lawn needs mowing or the trash needs to be taken out, yet neither will be touched until I give the Royal Command. Then you can mutter all the way out about me and my nagging ways....
Again here we go with guys getting a bad rap. This doesn't happen in my house. Just sayin.

why is it that men only hear the first 6 words of any sentence? Hmm, answer me that!
I thought it was the first three?

Why can't men put the toilet seat down as a courtesy? It's not that hard.
Because we are like fish, we can only remember what we did two seconds prior.

I'm trying to think of a question that I have that Ian wouldn't just give a smart *ss answer to.
You just did ;)

Why are men so literal?
Because women aren't.
Why can't they get what women mean? No mind reading inferred.
Because you need to spell it out. And you just are now realizing this?
What's a woman gotta do to get a man motivated?
I can't answer that on this blog for fear of Vanessa never talking to me again.
(Hahahahah!  It's okay, Ian.  I already know the answer to that question!)

How come when you say "I'm crabby" they proceed to pester you incessantly. And then when you finally snap at them, they say "Gee, you're crabby"
Um...cliffs notes for this one please?

I'm trying to think of a good question for him that he'll answer for reals...
Okay, so seriously, my hubs told me once that he is so invested emotionally into the Portland Trailblazers that when he watches them and they lose? The next morning when he wakes up he is depressed. And it lasts until they win again.
Is this a question? First off the NBA sucks plain and simple. Tell the man to watch a real sport like NFL.

Why do men like to read on the toilet (and be so noisy about it)?
BECAUSE WE CAN. Shut the door.

Why do men get all self conscious about losing their hair but they don't care if they have a beer belly?
Maybe that's your man, but I gots both. Actually I got the trifecta. I fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Why don't men ever wax their nether regions?
WHY THE HECK SHOULD WE? Razors are good enough.

Do men REALLY think they're being helpful when the say things like, "Get it done" or "Better find it" or or "It's somewhere around here" or "Just do it"? Do they REALLY think we don't know they're actually just saying "Shut up, woman! Can't you see I'm watching the game?"
Um, I never talk to the wife like that. That's just disrespectful.

Okay I thought of one, but I'll probably be back for more.
Supposedly studies have been done that prove men can actually gaze off and think of nothing. Like nothing. At all. The study proved women are always thinking something. That part's true. So my question... Is it really possible to think of nothing? If so, how often do you think of nothing?
Sure it is. Like this question makes me think of absolutely nothing.

I am way interested in the Men and the 3 Stooges question...that and the Godfather!
What about the Stooges? Timeless entertainment. They flat out rule.
Godfather is overrated. GoodFellas is better. All men want to be in that role or be a part of something like that. It's cool.

Here is my question: Why is it so hard to simply shut the drawers and cabinets after you get something out? I always have to go behind my husband shutting all of his dresser drawers and all of the cabinets in the kitchen. Pull out some socks??? Why not close the drawer? I don't get it....
I don't know, I do it and so does my wife. Want to ask her as well?
 
So there you have it, ladies!  Either this gave you some insight into the minds of men, or it confused you even further.  But even if you're not any wiser than you were before you started reading, you probably still know more about them than they know about us!
 
Thanks again, Ian!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Mom Fail... ? No. Mom Brilliant.


Hi Vanessa's readers!!  **waves, takes a bow**  I'm so excited to do a guest post while our friend Vanessa is away.  I am totally flattered that she wanted little ole me to do a post on her blog.  She must really trust me, right??  Right?!  Okay.  I'll be good, pinky swears.

Sunday I was talking on the phone to the bff.  We were talking about how our kids seem to be bickering a lot lately, picking on each other and generally being pains in the rumps.

We think it's due to the fact that we are in a crappy time of year here.  One day the weather is nice, the kids are playing outside, having a great time.  Then next day it's windy, rainy, and the clouds are so dark we have to turn lamps on.  But the kids can see the summer coming.  There are signs and it's driving them nuts.

This plays havoc with the kids' minds!  They want to be out burning energy and having fun, but they have to be cooped up inside.  They are sick of watching Spongebob and Yo Gabba Gabba (or as i affectionately refer to it, "No Gaggy Gaggy").

It's frustrating for them.  Know who it's even more frustrating for?  That's right.  Moms.  We have to listen to the bickering, whining, fighting, picking, annoying, screaming, bitching and moaning that come along with Spring here in the northwest.

The kids see a beautiful oasis of long days playing outside with friends, wearing shorts and sandals, playing chase with the dogs, riding bikes, walks to the park, ice cream, otter pops, staying up too late and getting dirty.

Me and the bff have another vision...it involves early morning chats over coffee with the door open so we can bask in the glory of the warm weather.  And perhaps 4 bungee cords tied to my walnut tree in the back yard.  Attached to the end of the cords?  4 children.  We'll even leave them water.  We might throw them a bag of chips.  Heck.  I will even look for a pink one for bff's daughter.  Wouldn't want to be too cruel, ya know?

What?!  Hello.  We just spent Spring listening to them complain for hours on end.

They're lucky we're willing to throw them a bone.  I mean, bag of chips.  Or whatever.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Keyboard Confessions: Guest Post Edition

 

Every week I sit down and confess some things. Mostly this is just an excuse to write a list. Because I love me some lists. And cake. Just some random trivia for you. Anyways.


Keyboard Confessions: Guest Post Edition

1. My name is Kearsie. This is not a confession, per se. If my name was something uber cool like Kumquat, then THAT would be a confession. Also, I don't know how to spell Kumquat. But I took Phonics, so.

2. I've known Vanessa for some time now. We went to college when we were young and thin. Except, Vanessa is still thin, and looks really young. So. How about this: Vanessa knew me when I was young and thin.

3. But then, she did her thing and I did mine, and we didn't reconnect until one fated day on the Myspaces. And we started chatting. A lot. And became all super closey.

4. She's awesome. But you knew that, or else you wouldn't be here. Unless you're new. Hey, you new person, Vanessa's awesome.

5. Guess what? She's also really smart. In fact, she's the one who pointed out that I was spelling Febreze wrong. It's not Febreeze. I know, that durned Phonics again.

6. I was going to do this post talking about vaginal skin tags. I know, you're intrigued. This was payback because one time Vanessa guest posted for me and basically ratted out the fact I was going to be in a hotel room gettin bizzay.

7. But guess what? I'm a big chicken. *bagock* Also, I dunno how to type a chicken sound. Durned phonics.

8. I wonder if Vanessa gets pimples on her chin like I do? Alas.

9. Also, Vanessa is my perfecty match with celebrity crushes. Pirates of the Caribbean: I'm Team Will, she's Team Jack. LOST: I'm team Jack, she's Team Sawyer. Lord of the Rings: I'm team Legolas, she's Team...wait, I'm not sure if she's watched LOTR. What a travesty. I must find this information out henceforth immediately.

10. Vanessa worked at a legal officy place like me, so she gets words like henceforth immediately. She took Phonics too, I'll bet.

11. If I did have the guts to write about vaginal skin tags, I'd tell you that the last time I went to my GYN 1 1/2 years after a certain removal of certain something, the first thing the doctor asked was "so how's your bottom?"

12. Guess what? I'll bet I'm the only one to be asked that...ever. And I drew a blank how to answer her and just said, "It's A-Ok".

13. ....You're grossed out now, huh. I know. Me too. *washes eyeballs*

14. I wonder if Vanessa is facepalming right now.

15. If she is, indeed, sitting there with her face in her palm, she'd totally match my Hubs, who shares Vanessa's birthday. He facepalms a lot about me.

16. ...Guess what? There's just nothing to follow up VST talk. That's Vaginal Skin Tag, for the uninformed. Also, you're praying I quit talking about VSTs.

17. Feel free to pray for me.

18. Also, while you're praying for me, pray that I get world domination through writing and admiration and also to find a decent haircut. Ooh, and to lose 10 pounds.

19. I need some cake.

20. I'll have to settle for some Orbit gum.

Peace out, yo.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Note to Self: V-B-YES Edition

  • It's the weekend.
  • The weekend before Vacation Bible School at your church.
  • Your girls are excited.
  • Admit it, you're excited too.
  • You get to teach the Bible story to the 1st through 6th graders again this year.
  • You had so much fun last year.
  • Especially when you found a reason to blast the kids with a box fan and a squirt gun.
  • That was a great way to illustrate the disciples on the boat during the storm.  (Luke 8:22-25.)
  • That was super fun.
  • Keep looking for a reason to squirt them with water again this year.
  • Also, breathe a huge sigh of relief that you won't have to worry about writing while you're busy with Vacation Bible School.
  • You have super fantastic guest posts all lined up.
  • Including the one where Ian answers our questions about the menfolk.
  • They are all awesome.
  • As are their authors.
  • You hope people read them.
  • And go to their blogs.
  • And read more.
  • And then come back here.
  • Because you'll be back.
  • That is, if you survive Vacation Bible School...
Have a great weekend!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Better late than never...

I know Leigh vs. Laundry's Happiness Project runs on Tuesdays, but I was happily bragging on someone's man for my Super Man of the Month yesterday.  However, I have some happy I still want to share...


That's one of my pictures from the butterfly exhibit at our zoo.
I do love butterflies, but that's not really what this picture is all about.

See, to me, a butterfly has always represented freedom.

The Husband and I are beginning to experience a particular freedom in our house.

...

Freedom

.....


from

.......


DIAPERS!!!

So I know I tend to stick to things that are outside of the world of mommyhood, but HELLO!  We're talking about being done with diapers here!  (But not wipes, because as far as I'm concerned I will always have wipes in the house and carry them with me.  They're just so useful!)  My BFF and I were talking about it, and we think that a child being potty trained is a bigger deal than walking!  Yeah, really!  Because let's face it, when they start walking they can just get into more trouble!  There is no downside to being potty trained!  And personally, I think potty training itself is like a dirty little secret that moms don't talk about!  It's like the first 6-8 weeks after you had your baby and you live on no sleep, no one can quite put into words just how taxing that is.  I think the same can be said for potty training.

As we've established, my mother is a very wise woman.  She told me back when Big Sister was potty training that it was highly unlikely that she would go to kindergarten in diapers.  And even less likely that she'd need a change after accepting her high school diploma.  Bottom line: "RELAX!  It'll happen!" 

And it did.

And it has again. 

And since there are no plans for any other babies in our future (unless God answers Big Sister's prayers for a baby brother), this could be it!!!

And this has to be it for this post, because it's really kind of a challenge to type while doing a cabbage patch in celebration of this momentous occasion...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Super Man of the Month!

This month's Super Man is about to become a Super Dad!  Kathryn from Singing Through the Rain is expecting their first any day now, but before she started preparing for Baby Adam's arrival, she took the time to tell me a little about her fantastic husband!

So let's hear more about...

JONATHAN!


My husband is a pretty awesome man, and I know I need to tell him so more often!

My husband joined the Air Force so that he could provide for me. He knew it would be a good job, and a steady income, and one we would not have to worry about him losing during the bad economy. He did that for me so he could marry me and give me a future. Now that we have a baby on the way, we are wondering again about our finances. My husband decided that he is going to get a second part-time job, so that I could be a stay-at-home mom, like I have always dreamed.

My husband is always thinking of me, and wanting to make me happy. He sometimes will bring home my favorite candy bar or flowers, or something that he knows I love as a surprise. It makes me feel good to know that he thinks of me when he brings stuff home.

Because he is in the Air Force, the main part of his life is the Air Force, but my husband always tries to make time for me. I am proud of him for being in the military, and for serving his country.

No husband is perfect, but I am so in love with mine, and I am so glad God gave him to me!

Thank you so much for this, Kathryn!  Jonathan sounds like an amazing man and a blessing!  I'm definitely praying for you both as you get ready to embark on the next stage of your journey together!

Do you have a Super Man?
Tell me about him!
Send your sweet story to baptistness(at)gmail(dot)com!

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