Thursday, January 27, 2011

Can I get a patent on this?

So we all know that moms aren't supposed to get sick.

I was thinking about that today as I tried to sit still and rest my injured back.  As I tried to take 15 minutes to lay down with a heating pad while my darling girls played together peacefully, without making a mess.

As I actually did laundry, dropped the girls off and picked them up from school, maintained order and generally did everything I would normally do, only under the influence of ibuprofen and wincing in pain with every movement.

So moms can't get sick.  

So you know what we need?

Walk-in clinics just for moms.

Except there would be no doctors, because moms already know what's wrong with them, what to take for it, and how long they need to rest before they're back to 100%.

What there would be... Individual rooms set up with Sleep Number beds and Memory Foam pillows, and down alternative comforters (no feathers in case it's allergies that have brought you there).  There would be Snuggies and fuzzy socks.  

There would be laptops and televisions that have Nick Jr., Disney and PBS blocked.  (And, just for good measure, ESPN.)  On the nightstand, an iPad with Pandora, Kindle, and a wide selection of games that you loaded on to your own smartphone "for the kids".

Worried about the kids or their dad calling?  Fear not.  The receptionist collects your phone as you enter and screens your calls.  Your phone will only be brought to you for true emergencies.  The receptionist will be able to provide phone numbers for a variety of take-out places for your family's dining needs in your absence.  Or tell your husband exactly how long to put the chicken nuggets in the microwave.

There would also be room service.  The menu would be super thick.  And since this is my dream, calories would be removed.  Every meal is delivered by a husband-type waiter who smiles sweetly at you as he sets up your table and asks you how you're feeling and if he can get you anything else.  

The words Mom, Mommy, Mama, and Mother are forbidden.

And then, when you're feeling better, when you're feeling rested and refreshed, you simply leave the room.  You don't strip the bed or put the Snuggie and fuzzy socks in the laundry, you don't tidy up the dishes.  You just leave the room, get your phone from the receptionist, and head home, ready to return to life as Mom.